Better Buy A Magnet

It would be cheaper and won’t land you in prison.

I will not repeat all the jokes about the “passport of the new Belarus” — our compatriots have already commented on this story in such detail and wittily on social media that it is unlikely that anything can be added to their remarks. Belarusians are bitter and ironic, and they joked about the souvenir for 97 euros so much that Facebook now reads like Dovlatov's books: with incessant laughter and attempts to memorize individual phrases in order to quote them later.

And I just remember the autumn of 2023, immediately after Lukashenka's passport decree. Then the Belarusians of Montenegro gathered in a small park in Budva to discuss what to do next. Too many of them could not come to change their passports. I had just arrived in Montenegro and was getting to know my compatriots. And they all said seriously that nothing terrible had happened, because just a little bit more time was left and they would all have “passports of the new Belarus.” Now my new acquaintances are in Israel, in European refugee camps, and waiting for Montenegro to recognize their expired passports. But by the spring of last year, they all finally understood: they were once again being fooled, only this time not by Lukashenka.

Belarusians in exile finally realized that his passport decree was just a symmetrical response to a large and senseless PR campaign that promised emigrants a beautiful multi-colored document in exchange for the blue Lukashenka one, with which they would be welcome guests of the civilized world, flying through passport control to applause, smiles, and joyful exclamations. If the authors of the projects under the general title “how else to confuse Belarusians” had not been telling about it on every corner, it is unlikely that the passport decree would have appeared at all. I'll be honest: if I were the dictator of Belarus, I would do the same: you are seriously going to issue and receive documents there — then try to do it without the state, dictatorial, blue ones with the Soviet coat of arms, and we will laugh here in Minsk.

Now my friends in Montenegro are laughing too. They say: “It turns out that we are not good enough, because we are not in the European Union, we are not even entitled to this colored piece of paper? And a souvenir for 97 euros will only be given to those who are legally in the EU? And why do they, legally, need such souvenirs as a keepsake?” Critical thinking, which switched off at an important historical moment in 2020, was replaced by childish delight, and finally switched on again — in all diasporas, not to mention those who remained in Belarus. And perhaps the story with the “passport” was needed for a general sobering up: if all these numerous cabinets with offices, hallways and other cubicles had not screwed up right now in front of the whole world — it is unknown how soon Belarusians, generously giving around their trust, would have started to think critically again, and not continued to blindly believe in the miraculous appearance of an object that can be “pulled from the pants where documents are as the most valuable of certificates” (reference to the poem “My Soviet Passport” by Vladimir Mayakovsky — edit.)

If earlier it seemed to me that the key word for describing the results of five years of activity of Sviatlana Tsikhanouskaya's cabinets and offices is inefficiency, now, after the passport fairy tales, another word comes to mind — sabotage. Those who were imprisoned precisely because of their activity — victims of the “Peramoga” plan and all sorts of SMS mailings to Belarusian phone numbers — have not yet been released from prison, and those who remained free, miraculously escaped, leaving behind hostage relatives in their homeland — they are again being asked to provide personal data to who knows who and even pay for it. Pay 97 euros and get the prize of five years of strict prison regime for yourself or your mother — this is not just ineffective. This is a big doubt about who has ruined the lives of Belarusians more in recent years. And if Lukashenka is undoubtedly leading in this race within the country, then for Belarusians abroad, he is trailing far behind with no chance of winning.

I admit that someone might spend 97 euros on a souvenir in the form of a passport. For example, a collector who has passports of Viejšnoria, Sealand, the World Government, Slowjamastan (by the way, only 50 dollars, not 97 euros) and, of course, a CD “Passport of the N.R.M. Citizen”. They have a collection, that’s clear. But we’d rather buy a fridge magnet as a souvenir. Cheap and honest.

Iryna Khalip, exclusively for Charter97.org

You can support the website Charter97.org

MULTI-CURRENCY ACCOUNT FOR ASSISTANCE:

Bank's name: Bank Millennium S.A.
Address: ul. Stanislawa Zaryna, 2A, 02-593, Warszawa
IBAN: PL97116022020000000216711123
SWIFT: BIGBPLPW
Name of the account holder: Fundacja “KARTA ‘97”
Purpose/title of payment: Donation for statuary aims

You can contact us by the e-mail charter97@gmail.com